Annihilation

Emotions: We either express or suppress. They all come out, one way or another. Constructive or destructive, its really your choice. – Kevin Newman

My friend Kevin said this a few weeks back and it really stuck with me.  Soooo many people get stuck in their anger, grief, hatred, bitterness, circumstances, etc.  They get controlled by the VERY thing they HATE!  It’s sad to see others in this situation because in the end they will be annihilated by their vice if they don’t change their mindset.  If you think you can fix everything, you can’t.  If you think you deserve this or that, you probably don’t.

Everyone goes through rough patches in life (if you don’t, you’re not human) but its how you deal with things that really make a difference.  Right now I’m really having a rough time with my daughter, Sadie.  I’ve been trying my hardest to have an open and positive frame of mind (at all times) but it’s not easy!  There are some days where we have such a wonderful time and then others I’d rather not talk about.

This I know:  I will not let my frustrations and sometimes anger take control of me.  CR has taught me so much about myself and my relationships that I am not going to go backwards, I know better.  I know that this rough patch with my ~absolutely beautiful~ daughter is just a phase, age thing or God just helping me learn something I don’t know already.  I could sit and wallow in this mess and make it completely unbearable for me and for Sadie.  I could place blame everywhere except for myself and learn nothing from the experiences God gives me.  I’m not going to be that foolish, this time.

I’ve been in that place of blaming, wallowing and just plain pity…. it’s ugly people!  If you’re there, if you’re relying solely on yourself, good luck!  I’ve known a few old and bitter ladies in my lifetime and I don’t want to be one of those.  I want to be grateful for everything when it’s all said and done, no matter how trying the time was.

Ephesians 3:17-19  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Clashing In The Boggs House

Just recently, I went on an outing with the girls, which doesn’t happen enough!  Anyways, I feel as if I’m ALWAYS with my kids…  but something happened when I got home that hasn’t happened in a VERY long time…   Sadie ran up to me and said, “Mommy,  I missed you!”  What?  Sadie missed me?!!  It felt sooo good to hear that, that I almost started crying!  I also realized that since I’m always with her, she never gets a chance to miss me!

I’m not going to sugar-coat this at all…  Sadie is about to push me over the edge!  There have been many instances where I find myself in tears because it’s such a constant struggle to get along with, mother and discipline her.  At times, I feel like a complete  failure.  I feel like I can’t “control” or calm the situation…  at any rate,  it’s become seriously taxing on me emotionally.  I have come to the realization that Sadie and I need some time away from each other…  and of course, this makes me feel like even more of a failure…

I am currently looking for a school and/or Mother’s Morning Out type thing that Sadie can go to a few times a week.  At this point, we cannot afford to make this happen but we are going to try!  Part of me is completely ok with this because Sadie has been asking me if she could go to school since the day she turned three!  She is ridiculously smart and she does really well under structured type settings.  The other part of me is still struggling with the fact that I don’t feel like I can handle her 24-7!  That whole failure thing again…

If you think about it, please keep me in your prayers.  I don’t usually ask for prayer but I am REALLY having a hard time with all of this.  I admit I’m not the best at juggling everything as a mom but I need something to change….

On A Diet

Some of you know I’ve been doing the Atkins for about 11wks now.  I have been surprisingly terrified on how and what we eat as Americans.  I’ve read a ton on the amount of sugar intake we have as a country and it’s quite disgusting.  Some studies have shown that our kids are consuming 158lbs of sugar a year!!!  That’s absolutely insane and uncalled for!

In all my research, I’ve cut out high fructose corn syrup, bleached flours and most refined sugars.  I HAVE NEVER FELT BETTER!   This has been a wake-up for me as the main “cook” in my family. I truly believe that sugar can harm the body in many different ways and I am making a conscience effort to keep my family healthy!

Now this doesn’t mean I’m going to be a freak and if my child goes to a birthday party, she can have some cake.  I just want everyone to honestly take into consideration what they are putting in their mouth.  REALLY look at how much sugar you are putting in your body or your children’s body, for that matter!

I also reached the 150’s today!  I’m not done but at my most fit and in shape I was 155lbs, so I’m getting close!   Now, some of you are probably thinking for my height (5’4”) that 155 is still not healthy but I’ve always been “heavier” than I was “scientifically” supposed to be.  If you look at my BMI for when I was in my best of shape (and I was ROCK SOLID- I can say that now -humbly- because I’ve had two children since then ;o) ) I was still considered “overweight”.  So to me “science” isn’t always right!  At my best I was a size 4-6 at 155lbs so I’m not worried.  I try not to stay focused on numbers anyways, it’s not healthy!

How Do You Balance Kids-Husband-Life?

So, lately I’ve been having a hard time juggling life in general.  I’m not the most organized person (I actually covet peoples organizational skills, yes- I know that’s a sin).  Anyways, for those of you who don’t know, I’m a stay-at-home Mom.  My husband has two days off a week, usually Thursday and Sunday.  He works retail so the hours are long, which means my hours with our girls are l-o-n-g….

I don’t know what’s fair because on Josh’s day off I am ready to GIVE HIM the girls and do things I can’t do when I have them EVERYDAY!  Whether that’s going to the store by myself, washing the dog or just getting the house in order, etc.  On the flip side, Josh is ready to do nothing (understandably, because he’s worked all week) and/or ride his bike.  I have a hard time dealing with this issue.  It’s definitely something we’ve talked about but I believe we honestly forget how much each other has done all week and become selfish.  We want to do, what we want to do.

So people, how do you deal with this issue?  I know I can’t be the only person who deals with this.  Any pointers, suggestions, etc.

Mama Bear

You ever have those times in life where you wish you could just save your family from everything?!  Save them from life, bad situations, mean people, etc.  I now understand a certain phrase my Mother said (quite often) when we were kids.  “You can mess with me, but you better not mess with my babies!”  I’m feeling a little helpless in a situation that I WANT TO FIX!  Of course, that’s my lovely “co-dependence” coming out again…  I see small glimpses of that every once and a while but I believe I am well on my way to recovery in the co-dependence arena, thankfully!  I just hate that life can’t just be easy sometimes….   Then I think to myself, “Man, life would me sooo lame if it really were that way!”

Push through, claim Christ as your stronghold, only HE can deliver you from troubles and trials.  Then pray that if God wants you to go through this to learn a lesson that the lesson is learned quickly.  ;o)

2 Corinthians 1:4 He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.5 We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.6 When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation.

Year One

So my sweet,  itty-bitty, munchikin will be turning one on March sixth.  I CANNOT believe how fast this year has flown by!  The first kid went by fast, but really, the second was just ridiculously accelerated!  I am sooo happy I have two beautiful little girls…  never thought I would say that because I always wanted boys!  ;o)  We’re so blessed that God has trusted Josh and I with these scrumptious kidlets!

Maggie had her year one photo shoot yesterday!  I still can’t believe she’s ONE!  What’s so fun is that there are three other babies (all close friends) that were born within three weeks of each other and they all had they’re pics taken today!  Here’s the first pic of many from our photo shoot with my friend, Dayana Cagle.

Poor pumpkin! She was not loving the photo shoot! ;o)

Thanks again, Dayana!  I can’t wait to see the rest of these beautiful pics!

Don’t Be A Jerk-Face

I was thinking today about how far this world has come since I was a kid.  I remember when I was in high school and my parents got our first computer.  Back then, AOL was the hot thing and if you knew how to instant message someone you were in a different league.  :o)  Technology alone, truly fascinates me.  There are blogs, social networks, email, etc… newer, better, faster everything!

Seeing that I’m a huge fan of “Twitter” I was on tonight and I got a message from one of my favorite people (I won’t mention her name) and well, it was a weird message.  It said something to the effect “Have sex longer:  http://www.blahblah.com” <– totally a made up website so don’t try to go there… just trying to make a point.  So, I knew right away that she did not send it to me but she had been “spammed”.  For some reason, that thought brought me back to when I was a kid at church…. to me this makes sense so sorry if this post is a far stretch for you…

Anyways, the church that I grew up in is soooo not like the church I go to today.  I felt very alone, weird and outcast-ish in that old church.  I didn’t feel that all the time ~because to this day~ my VERY best friend, I met in that church.  But what I hated more than anything is that people were NOT given grace.  If you screwed up, you were OUT!  I’m not “hating” on old school churches because I found Christ in one of those churches.  I know they work for some people but I just have some bitterness (that I have gotten over in and through CR ;o)) in how they do things.

Anyways, back to my thought process earlier this evening… so as soon as I got that weird message I thought to myself ~ if I was in a different frame of mind, I would’ve been SUPER offended by what she sent me~  me jumping to conclusions before I had even thought it through, before I had even given her a chance… this sounds all too familiar to me.

I have gratefully found the best church on this planet… yes, I’m a little biased. ;o)  Church ~should~ be a safe haven for those FAR from God.  We all make mistakes, bad judgments and fail horribly….  it’s our sinful nature.  If you think you are perfect, you probably are (in your own head).  News flash:  NO ONE IS PERFECT and until this world owns up to that we will still be in this funk of judging-critical-crapola!  I know you love that description!

I love how The Message Version translates these verses…

Matthew 7:1-5

1-5 “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

We are put on this earth to put Christ first and to help others see the ‘light’ in Christ.  Own it!  Don’t be a jerk-face, critical person… no one will want to be your friend. ;o)

Prayers For My Girls – Part 1

When I was a kid, there was a certain lack of communication with my parents.  (I have no hard feelings towards them on any level…  just to make that clear.)  I believe God puts you through good and bad experiences to spiritually mature you – in Him.  The goal is to take your experiences and use them for positive and forward change…  some equate loss and experiences for bitterness, hatred, evil, etc.

You always want the “best for your kids” and I firmly believe my parents did their absolute best!  I put “best for your kids” in quotations because you know you’ve all heard that and also to make a statement that who the heck knows what’s best for our children??  I definitely try to give enough, love enough, put my children in the best possible situations and around people I think are “good” enough for them, etc.  But really, all of this is so superficial…

For instance, I can’t put my children around “Godly” people and them end up “perfect”.  I can’t send my child to the “best” schools and them definitely end up on the Deans List.  All of these things are “wants” or “wishes” that this world has put on society, as a whole.  If you aren’t “perfect” then what good are you?

My prayer today, is that my girls get to live in this messed up world, not unblemished, but worn in God’s love.  I will make mistakes as a parent, already have!  But, I will do my best to put you smack down in God’s will and purpose.  I don’t care what this world thinks “perfection” is or isn’t.  This world is not my God.

Getting Over Myself

I completely hijacked this from one of my favorite bloggers out there,  Carlos Whittaker.  Hope he doesn’t mind but it immediately spoke volumes to me in all my crazy uncertainty.  I worry, complain, fuss too much.  Get over yourself, Niki…  this world is not about you.  In all your crazy “uncertainties” you shield people from hearing about God because you’re too busy being selfish.

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Matthew 6:34 -The Message

If it wasn’t so long… I would get it tattooed on my forearm so I could remind myself of this, every second of every day!

My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean
that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.

– Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

What Calms You? Part 1

What calms you?

For me, it’s music.

One of my all-time favorite bands is U2.

Their music has moved me to tears… more times than I’d like to admit. :-/

Just the intro to “Where The Streets Have No Name”  takes me to a euphoric <chills inducing> happy place.

What does it for you?  What calms you?